Art, Grief and If not now, When?

Grief is a strange emotion, initially we feel we are drown and desperately attempting to keep our head above water. After a time, when we think we're getting used to the reality of not sharing a future with our loved one, boof! A wave sweeps over us again.

In time we can get used to the experience and wave of all consuming emotion. Not that we heal from it is such, more an acceptance of griefs presence in our experience. I see it as a tidal wave that rolls in (to my metaphorical beech shack), I notice its presence and leave the back door open so it can roll on through, out again.

Having an enjoyable absorbing activity or hobby is a soothing distraction at times of grief.

I know grief and I know that Art for me, has been that comforting distraction.

Art

Art was something that appealed hugely to me, I'd taken a few courses here and there.  Both Mum and my sister were talented artists, maybe something was artistic lurking in me, but I'd have to wait until 'later' (retirement or somewhen) to have the time to immerse myself in it.

Mum

Three years ago today we got the call that mum had passed away. Comfortably after after waking from a nap, with people she knew around her. At age 101 it was the right order of things. She had moved into care the year before and was well looked after.

Unfortunately, this was during the pandemic restrictions. She lived way down in South Devon and visitors hadn't been permitted to her care home for many months.

The funeral was with social distancing restrictions and without a wake, meaning no hugs, singing or even a cup of tea.  But the sun shone on that day and we waved at each other before heading off on our separate long journeys home.

Brother

In the summer of 2020, our brother had died unexpectedly overseas. He was estranged, but still our brother.

Sister

A few short months after mum's funeral, my eldest sister was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer - Poo!  Life is unpredictable, she seemed so fit and healthy, we had all sort of assumed she live a long life like mum.

If not now, when?

My sisters diagnosis really made me take stock of my life and priorities. I realised I had to live my life for NOW and in the most enjoyable ways possible.

My new mantra was If not now, when? When is a good time to start something new when we really can't know what's around the next corner. Saving something 'for later', when later may not arrive.

Our family of 6 (Dad died many years ago) is now 2, and my remaining sister and I have become the seniors it seems. 

All change

My Chiropody clinic had only been closed for the initial 4 weeks of lockdown, and continuing to operate a (essential) healthcare practice through all the pandemic restrictions, as well as the bereavements was hugely stressful. My mental health was suffering big-time. Time to sell up.

This is when Art became my saviour, I immersed myself in it all, all mediums and all styles. I played about, explored, made a muddy mess at times, discovered what I liked and what I didn't.

I also wept.... a lot, and the art didn't mind at all. 

Creating Art is a gentle comfort at times of grief

I wanted to do more art now, not later, now.

I wanted to connect with that previously unexplored, creative part of myself.

Why am I telling you this?

This isn't a poor me sob story.

It's my story, it's how I have coped with grief.

It's my story about following my heart, that I'm not too old to start something new.

It's sharing about how I got into art and how Art has been a gentle comfort for me through my grief. I use mum's old paintbrushes to paint the under-layers of my paintings.

Art invites me to find the brightness in every day.

Creating Art has helped me to keep my heart open and to channel more love into the world.

Art helps me connect to my own light within.

Art reminds me that I am blessed.

I hope you understand a bit more about me now and why I create art.

I'd love to hear your story, hit reply and tell me

With love to you.

Sue xx